Ball of Confusion

I'm sure that Lifeguard GEMMA and Lifeguard JADE have nicked loads of my stuff from my room. They went off back to 'Bonley' this morning, which turns out to be BURNLEY, as I discovered because their dad was stoked when they beat Man U the other night, which made his week (just as well because the weather has been SHITE). All he and Mrs Bonley did all week was argue with each other, well, not quite, as he spent a lot of the week standing outside in the RAIN smoking fags one after the other and reading The Sun. My dad said he said to him that he was happy enough just being on holiday and away from it all, whatever it was, with his fags and his paper. You wonder if they don't have somewhere a bit nearer to 'Bonley' he could have got to do that, but maybe Lifeguard GEMMA and Lifeguard JADE have got them banned from every B&B between here and Bonley, because they turn out to have been complete frikking KLEPTOS, and nicked loads of stuff from my room. I went in there today after they'd gone and not only was there loads of stuff missing but a bloody note on my bed that said: 'Hey Jed we bin watchin u an Gem thinks ur HOT lol' and a crushed Coke can in the wastebin.