No He Isn't! (and hasn't been for some time)

OK, so it turns out it can't be Jeremy Beadle as he's unfortunately and sadly died a couple of years ago after a long illness bravely borne with the unfailing humour you'd expect of one of the nation's greatest pranksters. Now you say that, actually, I realise I hadn't seen him on the telly for a bit, he hasn't 'been about' like he used to be. There was one time you couldn't switch on the telly without him being on it, playing tricks on people, making them walk through that scary doorway and coming out as somebody else, saying Tonight Jeremy, I'm going to be Michael Jackson, or whoever, or presenting University Challenge. So, I'm really sorry to his family and fans and the people who make plaques for where famous people have stayed, for any upsettedness caused by me thinking he's staying downstairs in my mum and dad's B&B in St Ives at this moment. Good job The Sun or one of those papers didn't get hold of it before I could post this retraction, or else they'd have had the place beseiged with reporters and papparazzi and page three girls by the time we wake up in the morning. And I'm sure Mrs Beadle wouldn't have described our B&B as a 'shithole' either. If Mrs Mikey thinks downstairs is a shithole she ought to come up here and look at what I have to put up with.