Twat Alert

Who saw Chris Evans on the front page of the Western Morning News yesterday making an even bigger twat of himself than usual trying to surf in Newquay? Not wanting to draw attention to himself, he hid his trademark ginner hair under a floppy hat which automatically set off every TWAT ALARM within a hundred metre radius, and drew even more attention to him, which was probably exactly what he wanted. Nice hat, Chris! Seven on the twat richter scale.


But just as you think it's safe to go back in the water, who should turn up on the front page of The Guardian this morning but David Cameron in a kooky C-Skins shortie with a brand new bodyboard stuck under his arm at Polzeath and set the TWAT ALARM crying like baby Florence Endellion at three in the morning. Nice wettie David! Not. Eleven on the twat richter scale.